Current mood:	zzzzz
Current music:	Complete silence :)

~Better safe than grouped up later~
It's wicked late and I'm still wide awake. I miss island view a lot today for some reason. I hated it there, but I dunno... people were real with me. I was looking at that body shadow thing tonight and I was stunned at how bad I felt about myself. There was not one positive thing on the whole paper. That was the day I lost my Impact and went back to Orientation. Shit sucked a lot that day. Like from the day I stepped foot into those locked doors, before I even knew what I was in for, it seemed so surreal that I might actually leave one day and go back home. It seemed completely unreal that I would actually stop doing drugs when I finally did get out. It's just what I did... I guess it's happening now though. I find it so wierd how I haven't smoked weed in a year and I still remember what it feels like to be high so clearly. You wanna know what annoys me? When you walk into those rooms and people are like "I got sober because I hated being high." If you hated being high, you weren't an addict at all. I'm not gunna lie to you. I loved being high. I like smoking trees and I enjoyed the taste of coke dripping into the back of my throat. I liked being drunk and laying down on the ground and watching the room spin. Who doesn't? That's definately not why I cleaned up. It wasn't my choice to stop using and in all honesty I would have never stopped on my own, because I didn't want to. Drugs were one of the few things I could depend on to always be there. It wasn't in my power to get sent away. It's definately my choice to stay clean, though. Some pretty fucked up shit happened in result of all my addictions and I don't want to live like that forever. It gets old waking up every single morning regretting something you did the day before.

I looked through my Dana Hall photo album and we all looked so little. I don't miss it there anymore, because the more and more I think about it, the more I remember how much it sucked going there. That little adventure sure didn't last long.

Me and Allison want to go to NYU together. She's applying to transfer there and I'm applying next year. She says that I have a really good chance of getting in as long as I don't try to hide stuff. I don't plan to at all. It's like "Yeah, I have a really fucked up past, but I'm different now and I work my ass off, so if you don't want me to come to your college... that's your loss." How cool would it be if me and Al went to the same college. We could get an apartment in New York City. I'm going to visit her in March and I'm really excited.

Yeah so it's almost 2am so I should try to go to sleep. Tomarrow's Friday, which is cool because it's one more day til the weekend. Gnite...
<3, Jenny