Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jenny's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
9:13 pm	Random babbling Wowww there's only 2 weeks left until summer. I'm sorry but this summer is gunna be fuckin amazing. First summer vacation in 2 years? Hells fuckin yeah. I've developed an alergic reaction to chapel hill. No, seriously. It's a very serious disorder. it kinda sucks when someone you really care about is treating you like shit, but you keep taking it cause you dont want to lose them. and you think it has finally ended until you hear "me encanta la gasolina. dame la gasolina. me gusta la gasolina. dame la gasolina," which to everyone else is just a silly little spanish "give me cum" song, but to me its the sound of curiousity... and a new text message...yeah i really dont feel like writing in this stupid little thing right now cause i dont really have anything super important to say haha laterzzz <3, Jenny Current Mood: bored Current Music: the silent sound of boredom slowly killing me (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 6th, 2005
10:29 am	this might not work... TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: JennyPants Birthday: October 14, 1987 Birthplace: Huntington Beach, CA Current Location: Lincoln, MA Eye Color: Brown Hair Color: Brown Height: 5'7" Right Handed or Left Handed: Right handed Your Heritage: White, white, white, white The Shoes You Wore Today: Black DC's Your Weakness: Drugs (hugs not drugs folks) Your Fears: Love Your Perfect Pizza: Hawiian is cool Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Moving to Cali Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lmao Thoughts First Waking Up: Here we go again Your Best Physical Feature: Belly button ring Your Bedtime: never Your Most Missed Memory: PaDukes being home Pepsi or Coke: Coke MacDonalds or Burger King: BK Single or Group Dates: Single Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Sprite bitch Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee Do you Smoke: Yeah Do you Swear: Yeah Do you Sing: Only in the shower Do you Shower Daily: Yeah Have you Been in Love: Yeah... once Do you want to go to College: Yeah Do you want to get Married: Nope Do you belive in yourself: Sometimes Do you get Motion Sickness: Nope Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes Are you a Health Freak: Nope Do you get along with your Parents: Sometimes Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah Do you play an Instrument: Yeah In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yeah In the past month have you Smoked: Yeah In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope In the past month have you gone on a Date: Not really In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yeah In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nope In the past month have you been on Stage: Nope In the past month have you been Dumped: haha yeah In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nope In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nope Ever been Drunk: Yeah Ever been called a Tease: Oh yeah Ever been Beaten up: Hell no Ever Shoplifted: Yeah How do you want to Die: Um question mark What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Writer What country would you most like to Visit: Irak haha Ali i love you In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: i Favourite Hair Color: dont Short or Long Hair: really Height: care Weight: much Best Clothing Style: skater Number of Drugs I have taken: i dunno 6 or 7 Number of CDs I own: not a lot Number of Piercings: ears and belly button Number of Tattoos: none yet Number of things in my Past I Regret: too many to count CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
10:43 pm	I Miss You I miss you like it's going out of style. I miss you like it's my job. I miss you like I miss having a sex life. I miss you like a fat kid missed cake on a diet. I niss you like it's my one true calling. I miss you like I miss the pope. I miss you like I have nothing else to do. I miss you like I miss my daddy. I miss you like "the desert misses rain" Current Mood: just a whole lot of missing... Current Music: anything with 'i miss you' (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
10:56 pm	aLoNe I just talked to Sarah. It was refreshing to hear how much positive change she has done since I left Island View. She's one of the most genuine friends I have. Honest opinions and non-judgemental support. That's really hard to find all in one person. I keep hearing I'm doing ohk. The facts would say that, though. I'm not using. I'm doing ohk in school. I'm not getting into trouble. I'm being pretty damn honest with my mom. Why do I feel like I'm failing everytime I think about it? Sometimes I wanna just give in and get wicked addicted to drugs again because I didn't care before and I think that caring so much is what is driving me crazy. But everytime I seem to slap myself in the face and decide against it. I can't stop caring now. They're are people involved now. It's too much to lose. This sucks. I'm a role model? Yeah, I don't FEEL like one. I don't want to be here anymore because I feel like no one cares. So am I pushing people away because they don't care or do people not care because I'm pushing so many people away? I don't know... Current Mood: lonely Current Music: it's gata be akon (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
7:34 pm	Happy Birthday Ali!!! Wow I havent written in this thing in wicked long. Let me see... todays Ali's birthday! Happy birthday Ali. Yesterday was a national holiday that I celebrated by lying in bed for a good portion of the day and asking everyone I knew to smoke a few bowls for me because I definately wasn't about to. Happy 420. A slight wave of weakness caught me off track for a while, but I'm trying to hop back on that train and what not. The truth of the matter: I'm not a hardass so I need to stop acting like one. Yay I'm so glad I've established that. Jacqi's coming to visit on memorial day and I think I'm going out to Cali again soon to see Ali, Jessica, and Bryn. Mary's cool too so I should finagle a trip out to Colorado sometime in the near future. Prom is coming up. What an abomination. I don't want to go. My mom is making me. But I got a pretty dress so it's all cool. If all else fails, I'm bringing Faten so we can just go and have fun with eachother. That girl makes my life. She's the shit. I spent the whole weekend at Dana Hall trying to straiten out my life again, because the past few weeks have been a little chaotic. That's an understatement. Meanwhile, I'm back to my wild, single, brunette self so that gives me some sense of security that things will be ohk. Come on people let's face it. I'm not a blonde. Just no. I've also come to the diagnosis that I'm alergic to school so I treated myself with some of the good old playing hooky medication. It always seems to cure me. I miss talking to Kat. I can't wait til she gets out. I keep writing her all these letters then lose them or just forget to send them then find them weeks later. It's frustrating. I'm so disorganized. You should see my car... It's messy as a motherfucker. Oh well, it's a benz, who gives a fuck? I'm sorry, but I'm in love with my car. It gets me from point A to point B. Time to go further my education by engaging in some homework aka me writing in my journal for two hours. Hey, I'm gunna be a writer. What the fuck am I gunna need precalc for? chemistry? lets be real now. So I'm gunna go write about life. laterzz <3, Jenny Current Mood: honest about my feelings? Current Music: the mix me and fats made... good shit (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 17th, 2005
6:57 pm	Kat's the motha fuckin coolest!!!! 143 Kat! Uh oh. Here goes the tears for Kat again. She wrote in her live journal and my eyes are quite moist:      "hey everyone. this would be kat. just to update everyone: in late january, i ran away from home for a week--basically disappeared without a trace, panicked EVERYONE i knew, and then some. for those who knew about that and worried, i'm sorry. i know i can be selfish and very impulsive/immature/childish. and yeah, just in case anyone was wondering, i'm back in treatment. same therapist, same place. island view residential treatment center, in syracuse, utah. they have a website if anyone wants to look it up. i'm on an off-campus LOA with my dad right now. i totally beat him at pool, and i have discovered i suck majorly at DDR, but i really really like RavenG. hell yes. for everyone who has my california address, you're welcome to send mail to it, and depending on if i want to talk to you or not, my parents may or may not forward it to me. seeker, i got your postcard and my dad was like '...how do you know someone who lives in australia?'. i laughed. sorry for emails i haven't answered, etc etc. i have no internet access there. i'll update hopefully in a month or so. again, if you have my california address, LETTERS ARE WELCOME. I NEED OUTSIDE WORLD CONTACT. love you all, with little corners of my heart specifically reserved for the following: nathalian, dan and fenix, seeker, jenny, jessica, steve, and....drat. i can't think of anyone else. whatever. anyway. catch you all later. hugs and kisses from lockdown facilities." Wow, I really love that girl. If you love Kat, write her a letter. If you know Kat, write her a letter. If you don't know Kat, write her a letter. Letters kept me sane long enough to graduate so let's do the same so we can speed up the process so I CAN SEE MY KITTY KAT!!!! haha I love you Kat. Keep truckin girlie, cause you're worth it. ~<3*i care about you~~~<3*<3 <---hehe meow What is this world coming to? I'm in the coolest place in the world (california) seeing one of the coolest chicks in the world (ali) then im going to see the coolest women in the world (rea) then me and my "i hate all men they should be shot" is going home to see my boyfriend (dont even have to say because ull probly find out anyways. damn the chapel hill rumor mill!!!). A year ago, I was in Utah, with a bunch of people i did not know and inside a body that i hated. and i hated boys. i hated them so much. like every word that came outta there mouth was stupid and it made me angry. everything has changed... for the better. definately for the better. i love rea! i love silver! i love treatment! ohk i think i just went too far with the whole i love treatment stuff so ima go find me a cigarette and smoke it toooooo. love ya lots! laterzz. <3, Jenny from the block Current Mood: i miss kat Current Music: blink-182 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
11:06 am	I'm not talking right now because I'm typing everything you're saying... Ummhmm Nothing Like literally No, I was like going insane You know, days that I do nothing, the highlight of my day is when the mail comes. I go and get the mail and there's nothing there. I just keep hoping I'll get mail and I never do. Because you're typing? Are you serious? That's kinda creepy I dunno, wasn't that your idea not mine... Like you were gunna figure out what we're doing I have it muted with my hands. You can't hear it. I guess you can You what? What did you say? Ohhh It's ohk. Boring theres nothing to do in California No Hahmm After you've lived here for a long time theres nothing to do anymore. All the things that people say theyre doing. I'm just gunna go do stuff. WHAT? Hahaha The funny thing is I probly said exactly that too. I hvae school on march 19th DID YOU JUST CALLED ME JAN?! You ohk? Hahmm Yeah, not saying much. Good luck with that one. K guess I just said something didnt I? Up! There I go again. I don't have anything to tell anything to tell you. It's 8 in the morning. No it's cool. I need to wake up eventually. That's cause it would be 5am my time. I could just picture you sitting there in a room talkin to urself. "Oh how would you feel if I called you at 8 in the morning? That would be great!" Huhhmmm Sing you a song? I dont know any songs. Sing me a song Ohk now your just gunna look crazy in the room all by urself singing old mcdonald Are you typing that? Ohk good, because it's kinda creepy. Um sometimes I am. Ya not today. No I'm good. Hahhahmm Today's my dad's birthday. My dad's really old today. 60 60 minus 17 Uh errr No.. welll I dunno I think he was 40... 43 No it doesnt. Yes it does. He was 43. I always feel wierd when everyone elses dad is really young. It makes me angry. Uhhh 55? How long are classes? How long are classes? (Mumbles) ohhohohmm Uhhmmm I'm like really out of it right now. Cause im like really bored. It's not gunna be like soon. Cause California sucks. Yeah Rocky (Mumbles) ohohohuhmm Hahahuhuhmmm H-a-h-a-h-u-h-u-h-m-m-m Now next time I laugh I'm gunna have to catch what I say. Are you writing what I'm saying? MY FLOWERS ARE DYING! No my flowers. They are pretty though, even though theyre dying. What time do you leave school at? Like do you leave early so you can go to the airport or something? "Hello? HELLO? HELLO I CAN'T HEAR YOU?! You have reached Jessica. She is not here right now. Chances are she is in her sleeping bag or out somewhere pissing her pants. If you don't leave a message, lets not lie, she will not call you back. So leave one after the beep. ps Jenny Cole is the freakin coolest person on the face of this earth." That's all folks! <3, Jenny Current Mood: mischievous Current Music: Jessica's humming (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
2:02 pm	angry, excited, cigarette-craving rant. 3 and 1/2 DAYS JESSICA!!! Donde esta Kat? I miss you kitty Kat. 3 and 1/2 days til I see Jessica and we cruise together down the sunny streets of California. Chillaxin. Oh ya its gunna rock. I can't wait, Jess. Wooohooo. It is 2:03 and I'm sitting in learning center attempting to look like I'm typing up some big important paper, when in reality I'm just writing in this silly little livejounal talking about how excited I am to go to California. I have 10 minutes left in this class then my last class, which is 50 minutes. All i know is that an hour is way too damn long to wait to smoke a cigarette and drive to burger king to get a soda. caffiene and cigarettes... better than cocaine any day. i got my lisence on saturday and i drove to school for the first time today. my precious mercedes is sitting out in the parking lot tempting me to go out and smoke a cigarette, but not succeeding because of my desire to hold onto my priviledges and let go of that cold-hearted, rule-breaking girl i used to be. i dont wanna be that girl. MEANWHILE i need a freakin cigarette and i just pissed my pants because im so excited to see jessica on saturday. i just cant wait. ohk they are talking about eating frogs and i dont really understand why they are partaking in such discussion. it is a little sick. time to pack up and go to FUN art history. sha not. evas not gunna be there so that leaves me all alone to be annoyed by members of the male persuasion. yippy! someone please shoot me. <3, Jenny Current Mood: sarcastic Current Music: Jenny from the block... (Comment on this)
Monday, February 21st, 2005
11:50 am	4 and 1/2 days til I see JESSICA!!! 4 and 1/2 days til I get to see Jessica. Silver, do you remember how we would always count down the days til our next LOA even if it was like a month away? That's what it's like for when I get to see Jessica. I'm sooo excited. I'm going to Chicago on March 19th for an Island View seminar thing and I get to see Rea and Drew. I love Rea so much. She saved my life. There is no way to put into words all that I owe to that woman. She's my hero. You don't realize how much your life has changed until you're home. My life has changed so much. On Saturday night I sat in my basement for close to 6 hours just watching movies with Laurie and my brother. We just relaxed. Before, no Saturday night was spent sober. I always had to be out doing something. I lived my life in constant fear of not fitting in and it overpowered my every move. I was so unhappy. I can safely say that I don't fit in now. No teenager fits in. It's like a rule or something. Not everyone at school likes me or respects me or what I've had to go through, mostly because of ignorance of my life before I came to Chapel Hill. And that's okay. I have friends, family, basketball, and those are things that can't be taken away. I never thought the day would come when I look and my life and see that if I could change it, I wouldn't. My life is exactly how I want it and I've never been happier. That dark, depressed, self-destructive girl that lived inside me before I went to Utah died when I realized how good my life is without drugs and without people who don't care about me enough to pick up the phone to see how I'm doing. I'm better than that. Jessica, I'm so excited to see you, I can hardly contain my excitement. My mom will be calling your mom today to make plans. I love you so much, Jess. Thanks for always being there when I need you. <3 That's all folks! <3, Jenny Current Mood: happy Current Music: Sublime (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 13th, 2005
9:06 pm	Vday tomarrow (bang bang) Tomarrow's Valentines Day... WooptyDooo (utter sarcasm) i dont need someone. im happy with my life now just that way it is. mr wonderful will find me one day when i least expect it and he'll knock my sox off. just kinda sucks being alone on vday :'( It is a disappointment to start realizing that the dude I was going for is proving himself to be a waste of space, but I wouldn't be Jenny Cole if I let some pathetic asshole keep me down, when he has no clue what he's missing out on. Jacqi, you are the one of the prettiest, smartest, coolest, wittiest girls I know. Keep truckin like you have since late-April and you'll be all set. I love you. Jessica, I see your shining, flannel-wearing, philandering face in less than 2 weeks! Lisenced driver on Saturday? Wish me luck. <3, Jenny Current Mood: ima BIIIITCH! hehe Current Music: Gata love that sex and candy song <3 (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 6th, 2005
11:06 pm	Another "Last Time" Survey It was Saturday night You know the feeling was right I didn't know we'd get so far... I looked at some old pictures today. Should I miss it as much as I do? 1) Last dream: I dreamed that Josh got me pregnant and I had to move to Blackstone. (Ahhh) 2) Last car ride: McDonald's with Laurie 3) Last kiss: Last night 4) Last good cry: Wednesday night 5) Last Missing Library Book: I gave up on libraries 6) Last movie seen: I dunno, some pothead flick, but I wasn't really watching it... 7) Last Book Read: Scar Tissue, still reading it though. 8) Last cuss word uttered: Probably 'fuck'... i love that word for some reason. its wierd. 9) Last beverage drank: Diet coke 10) Last Food consumed: French fries 12) Last phone call: Jesse, like 10 minutes ago. 13) Last TV show watched: Pimp My Ride 14) Last Item Bought: A pack of camel turkish jades. 15) Last time showered: Like an hour ago 16) Last shoes worn: My insanely old red and grey DC's that look brand new. 17) Last CD played: Sublime 18) Last downloaded: "Picture" fuckin good song. it applies... 19) Last annoyance: My momma, but we're cool now 20) Last disappointment: Sniffles is a pothead. Predicting another tomarrow. Let's see wut happens... 21) Last soda drank: Diet coke 22) Last thing written: Besides this, English paper. 23) Last key used: the little down arrow 24) Last words spoken: later 25) Last trip to the bathroom: about 2 minutes ago 26) Last sleep: last night. 5am-1pm 27) Last IM: lenny 28) Last sexual fantasy: Having sex with someone I loved a lot over a fuckin year ago. 30) Last weird encounter: Talkin to Terrence again 31) Last Store Shopped at: Some random gas station in Weston 32) Last ice cream eaten: I have no idea 33) Last time amused: Cruisin with Laurie couple hours ago. 34) Last time wanting to die: When I was on drugs. 35) Last time in love: I think I still am, but that's over. 36) Last time hugged: Couple hours ago from Laurie 37) Last time scolded: Couple hours ago 38) Last time resentful: Right now... i miss my fuckin dad 39) Last chair sat in: computer chair 40) last lipstick used: Clinique 41) Last underwear worn: I dunno... black ones? 42) Last bra worn: Red one 43) Last shirt worn: Grey t-shirt and my insanely big white sweatshirt 44) Last class attended: Enlish on friday 46) Last time dancing: Certainly not last night, but that's a secret. 47) Last poster looked at: My hott glow in the dark Sublime poster on the back of my door. 48) Last concert attended: Lauren Hill a long ass time ago 49) Last webpage visited: Serena's picturetrail thing ~*~ 1. What time is it? 11:42 pm 2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? Jennifer Mary Cole 3. Any nicknames? Jenny, Jen, BabyJenny, BJ, BabyJ, JC, Jenny from the block, Ganja, Cokie McCokeCoke, Smally, Pinky, JennyPants, Pants, Gangster, J baby, kid. 4. Parents names? Joyce and Dan 5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? I was in treatment on my 17th and losing it on my 16th so I haven't had a cake in years... 6. Date that you regularly blow them out? October 14th 7. Pets? Spike, Jake, Monte, Ripper, Ziggy 8. Favorite animal? Bunny, of course 9. Tattoo? None, but I'm getting some serious henna in March. 10. How much do you love your job or jobs? I don't have a job. 11. Birthplace? Huntington Beach, California 12. Favorite vacation spot? Cali 13. Ever been to Africa? No, but I wanna go to Egypt with Faten this summer. 14. Stolen any traffic signs? No, but I stole a sign from a store... 15. Ever been in a car accident? The closest thing was Serena runnin a stop sign & the cop yellin at us 16. Croutons or Bacon bits? Croutons. Jessica, do they have Vegan bacon bits? 17. 2-door or 4-door car? 4-door black 04 benz with tan leather seats AND SEAT WARMERS! hah 18. Coffee? You know it 19. Salad Dressing? No, I just eat plain lettuce like rabbits do. JK 20. Favorite Number? 4 21. Favorite movie? Fight Club 22. Favorite Color? Red 23. Favorite Holiday? Hmmm i dunno 24. Favorite Food? Fast food, for sure. 25. Favorite day of the week? Saturday 26. Favorite song? What I Got, by Sublime 27. Favorite TV Show? Pimp My Ride, but I used to watch Charmed religiously hahaha 28. Toothpaste? Um, I don't really care enough to look. 29. Most read book? I've read the Great Gatsby like 6 times. That's wut 4 highschools in 3 years will do. 30. Perfume/Cologne? Pink, Victoria's Secret 31. Favorite scent? Didn't I just answer that? 32. Favorite thing to do to relax? Smoke cigarettes 33. Favorite Fast Food Place? Burger King and McDonalds... everyday 34. When was your last hospital visit? Christmas 03. damn rehab 35. How many times did you fail your drivers license test? Never. feb 19th pray for me. 37. What do you do most often when you are bored? Listen to music, smoke cigarettes, and stalk Jessica 38. Furthermost place you sent this message? Huh? My live journal... 39. What time is it now? 11:56 pm That's all folks. <3, Jenny Current Mood: Chillaxed Current Music: Murder She Wrote, by Chaka Demus (6 Comments |Comment on this)
4:17 pm	Damn Californians Talking to Jessica right now. She just picked flowers and there a foot of snow on the ground here. Damn those Californians. Crazy night last night. Let's see what happens... I can't wait for the cali trip in March. It's gunna be great. Just talked to Laurie. She told me about Crystal and now I feel like a wicked big bitch right now because I hated on her because of someone else's shit they have with her. Serena's one of my best friends in the world, and I will always love that girl for sure, but I can't base my feelings toward someone that I don't even know on problems that she had with her last year. That's not im my character for all of you who know me really well. I'm really sorry, Crystal. I don't even know you, but I'm sorry for acting like someone I'm not at your expence. I'm not here to judge... I love Laurie more than I love rootbeer. I really thought she was gunna stop being my friend because of a miscommunication, but then I realized if she didn't stop being my friend when I was doing coke, why would she now? We're gunna rock the superbowl party tonight. It's gunna be awesome. <3, Jenny Current Mood: Like a bitch Current Music: AFI & lookin at pictures of sleeping jessica lmao (Comment on this)
Friday, February 4th, 2005
9:39 pm	Suckin face I HAVE KISSED SOMEONE: on the cheek- Yup, a lot on the lips- Durrh yup, a lot on their hands or fingers- Yup, a lot in my room- Yup, jc cb js sg in their room- Yup, jc cb dg of the same sex- Yup, sg  em k? of the opposite sex- Yup, a lot younger then me- Yup, but not by more than a year. Damn youngins older than me- Yup, a lot with jet black hair- Yup, dg dp tl ma d? i? a? with curly hair- Yup, a lot with blonde hair & blue eyes- Yup, hotttt with flaming red hair- Believe it or not, no with straight hair- Yup, a lot smaller/shorter than me- Yup, dg bt (skinnier, not shorter tho) bigger/taller than me- Yup, a lot with a lip ring- Nope who was drunk- Yup, a lot but the ones who stand out: jc js g? who was high- Yup, a lot, too many who I had just met- Yup, jc who was homosexual- Nope, bi yes, but homosexual no who I didn't really want to kiss- Yup, lets not go to the place where i say their names on a holiday- Yup. Halloween, my birthday, and labor day (all three were crazy nights) who was going out with someone close to me- Yup, I'm really sorry I did that though. Never again. who was my good friend's brother or sister- Yup dg who had been/is in jail- Yup, few too many in a graveyard- Nope, scary at a show/concert- Nope at the beach- Nope in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water- Yup, i?... funny story. not. who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with- Yup, too old. I'm no craddle robber with dyed hair- Yup, probably at one point or another with a shaved head- Yup, a lot who was/is my good friend- Yup, wk dg bt who was/is in a band- aw musicians rock who has tattoos- ya yesterday hah who is of a completely different race than me- Yup, tl ma dp d? a? (black) and i? (brazilian) in the rain- Yup, jc in another continent besides where I was born- Nope with an accent- Yup, a lot with an std- Oh hells no on a boat- No, but i have on one of those floaty platforms that you swim out to in lakes hah in a car/taxi/bus- Um YES, never in a taxi tho on a plane- Nope at the circus/carnival- Yup, jc labor day 2003 with a missing body part- Nope in the movies- Yup, of course eskimo style- Only jc that i recall... who knows Now type 143 if you have gone a whole year without kissing someone, because I sure have. Jessica, where the hell are you? We haven't talked in days. I miss you, Basher. Your my bestfriend. Well, besides Rea, but you understand that haha. 143 Talked to Jacqi today. Got a message from Ali. Talked to Nikki on Tuesday. Kat on Sunday, glad your home chicalica. But Jessica seems to have vanished. She's so mysterious. Maggie graduated so I'm gunna go call her. 143's silver <3, Jenny Current Mood: <--- I like this frog! AWW! Current Music: Kinda wanna dance (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
3:12 am	This is a treatment wasn't fun entry 10 Treatment Phrases That I Don't Miss 1.) Watch your skin. 2.) Everyone group up 3.) Watch your attitude 4.) Jenny mark for... 5.) Keep it school-related 6.) Slip to Jenny from _______ 7.) Any concerns from Impacts to Impacts/Tests 8.) Be dressed out before group 9.) Since my past reporting period I've been working on... 10.) I need to lose a priviledge I called Island View today and asked for LaRene then hung up when I was on hold because I changed my mind. I don't like calling in to Silver staff. It's not the same. I like talking to Rea though, but I keep getting her machine. Oh yeah, the number one phrase I hate the most would have to be "And for right now I don't feel comfortable having you an Impact so you can take that green bracelet off." Ahhh that was a bad day. Oh well, it's over now. Gnite <3, Jenny Current Mood: Its 330am & i still cant sleep Current Music: love is? wut song is he trying to say? lmao (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 28th, 2005
1:32 am	~Better safe than grouped up later~ It's wicked late and I'm still wide awake. I miss island view a lot today for some reason. I hated it there, but I dunno... people were real with me. I was looking at that body shadow thing tonight and I was stunned at how bad I felt about myself. There was not one positive thing on the whole paper. That was the day I lost my Impact and went back to Orientation. Shit sucked a lot that day. Like from the day I stepped foot into those locked doors, before I even knew what I was in for, it seemed so surreal that I might actually leave one day and go back home. It seemed completely unreal that I would actually stop doing drugs when I finally did get out. It's just what I did... I guess it's happening now though. I find it so wierd how I haven't smoked weed in a year and I still remember what it feels like to be high so clearly. You wanna know what annoys me? When you walk into those rooms and people are like "I got sober because I hated being high." If you hated being high, you weren't an addict at all. I'm not gunna lie to you. I loved being high. I like smoking trees and I enjoyed the taste of coke dripping into the back of my throat. I liked being drunk and laying down on the ground and watching the room spin. Who doesn't? That's definately not why I cleaned up. It wasn't my choice to stop using and in all honesty I would have never stopped on my own, because I didn't want to. Drugs were one of the few things I could depend on to always be there. It wasn't in my power to get sent away. It's definately my choice to stay clean, though. Some pretty fucked up shit happened in result of all my addictions and I don't want to live like that forever. It gets old waking up every single morning regretting something you did the day before. I looked through my Dana Hall photo album and we all looked so little. I don't miss it there anymore, because the more and more I think about it, the more I remember how much it sucked going there. That little adventure sure didn't last long. Me and Allison want to go to NYU together. She's applying to transfer there and I'm applying next year. She says that I have a really good chance of getting in as long as I don't try to hide stuff. I don't plan to at all. It's like "Yeah, I have a really fucked up past, but I'm different now and I work my ass off, so if you don't want me to come to your college... that's your loss." How cool would it be if me and Al went to the same college. We could get an apartment in New York City. I'm going to visit her in March and I'm really excited. Yeah so it's almost 2am so I should try to go to sleep. Tomarrow's Friday, which is cool because it's one more day til the weekend. Gnite... <3, Jenny Current Mood: zzzzz Current Music: Complete silence :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
2:52 am	"Jenny, can I seranade you?"... "Go to sleep, Bryn." I need to get my license so I can drive around in my freakin benz. Driving lesson tomarrow. Please shoot me. How do you explain to the instructor that the reason why driving comes so naturally is because you have been doing it since freshman year? I was a sketchball for sure. Talked ta Preston 2nite. Love my cousins. ps Preston, how is it that youve lived in Cali ur whole life and I live 3,000 miles away and you STILL don't know the difference between San Diego and Long Beach? lmao. and youre NOT a suburban cowboy for sure. its just not ohk. haha I've desided that Bryn needs to get out soon because I miss her a lot. She's wicked fuckin awesome. I LOVE YOU BRYNLEY! (vote lou for president) Ya so it's like 3am and i need to at least attempt the impossible (sleep) Gnite folks Laterz <3, Jenny Current Mood: <---this frog is tweakin out Current Music: The Hannakah Song (Comment on this)
Monday, January 17th, 2005
12:22 am	Silver and Hippies... Silver hippies? haha no The funny thing is: I don't have anything super interesting to write that I would actually put down in a written record that everyone can see at the risk of spreading my business all over the place, not that more than just a few people read this journal... still. Wicked tired and I wana go to bed. Talked to Nikki tonight. She's doin good. Sick as a dog, but good. Feel better Nikki! I can't express my soft spot for Silver chicas. I love them so much. I WANNA SERANADE BRYN!!! I miss you Bryn. You too, Rachelley. Haha OMG my friend Rachelle is Canadian... MAYBE YOU KNOW HER!!! Hahaha good times reminiscing about my girlioz lol. Haven't talked to Jessica in a couple days. I hope she's not dead. Jess, type '143 Jenny" now if your still living!!! Hahaha Jessica's little. Meow. I like a boy. Two boys. One alot more than the other tho.... You'll never guess whoooo though because I'm shy and secretive and that means only like one person knows my business in that department. Hah. I have mood swings when it comes to guys. Stages or somethin. Like I'm fine with them until they hurt me then I hate them for a while, then I start liking another guy then he hurts me then I hate them for a while... It goes round and round in a vicious cycle until one day I will end up one of those old ladies with a million cats. Ahhhh! KAT WHERE ARE YOU!!! I need ta call Kitty Kat cause i havent heard from her in like a month. Bed time nighty night night! <3, Jenny Current Mood: Hippies rock my world Current Music: Just a bunch of hippy music.... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
3:30 am	It's not all that damn bad..... I found my Disbatch CD tonight. Can't listen to that shit without gettin sad :( Ya well that was a hard time, but I got thu it right? Meanwhile Disbatch is pretty cool, even if I wasn't when I started listening to them. Haha. Wicked relaxing... Found some stuff out today about someone that I thought was bad but isn't. Not someone I was particularly close to, but deserves peace and happiness none the less. Good luck with everything, man. You deserve more than that. You were the good one of the bunch. You've got a lot of good in you... You're young and you must be livin... Go now you are forgiven :) <3 BabyJenny Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Disbatch (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
11:12 pm	Tears of laughter... huh? I have a crush on a boy. This ruins my evil plan to take over the world. Oh no, I spilled the beans... Yeah, I bleached my hair today. It looks like it did when I was a little girl. BabyJenny. Type 143 now if you remember BabyJenny... Most everyone who reads this journal does not in fact remember BabyJenny, which is a shame, because it was the only semi-normal nickname I've ever had. I never thought this was thue, but at the end of the day it really DOES feel better to hear "Jenny, I'm really proud of you," as opposed to "want another hit?" or something like that. Yes, I was wrong and you were right. Woot woot. What exactly is californication? Is it fornication in california? That would make the most sence... I'm sleepy. Night. My jokes are covering up something pretty damn big... Can't let it go. It's been a year and I still think about you everyday. Go away. Get out of my thoughts. You're not wanted there. Goodbye... I love you alot, but goodbye. <3, Jenny "Cause when I play, you play the same way." Current Mood: Inside I'm holding back tears. Current Music: Angel by Amanda Perez (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 8th, 2005
12:11 am	Scar Tissue and Sleep Issues I'm reading a really good book. It's called "Scar Tissue" and it's by Anthony Kiedis (of the Red Hot Chile Peppers). Omg it's good, go out and buy it. This is from a girl who hates to read, trust me on this one. I'm tired and I'm going to bed so I can arise insanely early to attend school on a freakin Saturday morning... Hahaha I'm gunna be a ray of fuckin sunshine tomarrow watch out world! LOL. Gnight! <3 Jenny ps congrats Ali on graduating! can't wait to talk to you!!! luv ya lots, girlie! Current Mood: <---That's sooo cute! Current Music: Scar Tissue- Red Hot Chile Peppers (duhr) (Comment on this)